In my dreams, that is. Nine out of ten dreams that I had involved me running, not towards but rather away from something. I don’t know what. Sometimes it is obvious that something is chasing me, sometimes it is not. But I’m always running, that I’m sure. I wake up in the morning breathless – as though I really did the running – usually accompanied by a throbbing headache. I’d feel fatigued, like I didn’t sleep at all.

I don’t always dream, at least not consistently. There are times I dream every single day. During times like those I sometimes dread going to sleep.

There are also times I don’t dream at all for weeks and months. Sleep feels like what sleep should be. No breathless mornings. No racing heart. Just plain sleepiness in the morning convincing your body it needs another 5 minutes of sleep. Not trying to figure out what just happened and ask yourself about why you were running away and what were you running away from. Not trying to wake your mind up from a hangover-like semi-conscious state. Not trying to flex your muscles and realize that your whole body aches.

Just what exactly am I running from? Or why am I running in the first place?

These dreams have haunted me for years. Years. I never remember my other dreams because they will simply be overshadowed by the memories of most, if not all of my dreams which involved me running away. From something. I have never gotten caught, but I have never stopped running either.

When do I get to stop running?

Probably on the day Grim catches me.

Like picking a marble out of soap water with a pair of chopsticks.

Sure, the marble is right in front of you. You could pick it up with your hands. Or you could pour away the soap water. Or you could use a spoon. Or you could…

But what if the only correct way is to pick it up with chopsticks?

Will you persevere, believing that one day you could perhaps catch the marble for good, ignoring the fact that the likelihood of actually getting a grip on the marble with chopsticks is as low as… well, picking up a marble out of soap water with a pair of chopsticks.

Or

Pour the soap water away, pick the marble up with your hands and be done with it.

Or

Forget about the marble.

Tough choice?

Tough. No matter the choice, there is no win-win situation.

Okay maybe it’s time to turn it into the awesomest blog on the Internet revive it.

I promise to make attempts to blog more.

P/S: Note the word ‘attempt’

But is it?

Apparently not.

Which brings me to this point – how true are the things we thought were true?

Complacency happens, it’s just human nature. Wonderful things in life, things the more unfortunate people can only dream for, gets taken for granted. And when we do, we fail to question. Just because people tell us – it’s like that – doesn’t make it any truer than we telling ourselves – it’s not like that.

It’s not about science. Not everything can be proved or disproved through science. But what is certain is that when we do not question, truth is nothing more than prejudice. People have their own version of believes, people have their own justifications, people have their own truths.

Nobody is to blame, because nobody is at fault. Like how beauty is in the eye of the beholder, truths can be imprinted into one’s mind by one’s believes, and believes are never as simple as right or wrong.

Question – we may or may not find an answer which is not the same as what we want to believe. We may or not find the absolute truth. If there’s even such a thing.

But, question.

Sometimes, we do something in order to find out the reason for it. Our actions are questions, not answers. There are two sides to every question. And to every answer you find, begets two more questions.

Start questioning.

Mum: I saw the maid sweeping the floor, I told her need to ask ah ma before sweeping the floor.

Grandma: Oh, I told her to sweep the floor. It’s not clean outside there.

Grandpa: Sweep? Cannot! Must mop! Sweep not clean enough!

I snickered and continued my breakfast.

Happy Chinese New Year.