Portal

9:35pm - 13 October 2007 - 259 views -
Posted in: Computer Gaming

Some of you should be aware that my Final Year Project’s due date is around the corner. In exactly 4 days actually. Yes, so I’m here to talk about the fact that I’m not going to talk about that. Rather, let’s talk about Portal. Portal, is a game. Now remember, I won’t be talking about my Final Year Project which is due in 4 days because I will be talking about this innovative game.

Portal, is a puzzle game specially developed using the Source engine and was recently released as part of The Orange Box (no, I’m not kidding). I usually never bother with puzzle games because I suck at it they’re boring. Portal however, is great fun.

There’s pretty much no storyline in the game. You wake up in some science laboratory, some computer voice tells you what to do, and you run around doing it. The end. Conceptually, things can’t get any more boring. But here, each portion is executed brilliantly. The voice that tells you what to do is hilarious. It constantly lies to you. It does not hesitate to gleefully notify you that hazards in the lab can kill you. Then it taunts while completely making a fool out of itself. When I was trying to escape the lab, it said “Where are you going? You’re not even going the right way. You should have turned left” followed by a long pause, and then it timidly said “Hello?” I was laughing hard at that.

Basically the game involves you making portals. Going into portals. Coming out of portals. Going into more portals. Make even more portals. Yeah, that’s about it. Typically, the portals lets you do really funky stuff, like you know, you go into one portal one come out from the other. Like Stargate, only a lot smaller. And you can’t travel to other planets.

By now, you’d realise my review of this game is useless. I haven’t been saying anything that is worth a dime (that’s 35 sen). If you’d like to see real, professional reviews of this game, try www.gamespot.com or www.ign.com. If you’d like to read about more pointless things from someone who has a sense of humour as dry as the Strawberry Dessert Sahara Desert and makes as much sense as 15 monkeys bashing on a keyboard, try www.tzelun.com. You’ll be amazed.

P/S: I forgot to mention that Portal’s ending song might probably be the best ending song ever. Get it here and don’t miss out the lyrics.

Title: Still Alive
Artist: Ellen McLain
Composer: Jonathan Coulton

This was a triumph.
I’m making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Aperture Science
We do what we must
because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there’s no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are still alive.
I’m not even angry.
I’m being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data make a beautiful line.
And we’re out of beta.
We’re releasing on time.
So I’m GLaD. I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
for the people who are still alive.
Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you’ll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa
THAT WAS A JOKE.
HAHA. FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cake is great.
It’s so delicious and moist.
Look at me still talking
when there’s Science to do.
When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I’m not you.
I’ve experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are still alive.
And believe me I am still alive.
I’m doing Science and I’m still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I’m still alive.
While you’re dying I’ll be still alive.
And when you’re dead I will be still alive.
STILL ALIVE